Although the countdown widget on the right says otherwise, I did the Big Chop (BC) about six weeks ago. My natural hair journey is well underway! Wooo-Hooo!!
Unlike my first foray into the “Naturalista” world, I am committed to the process this time. I am no longer unnerved by my mother’s reflection staring back at me in the mirror. When I look in the mirror and see more of her than me, I just laugh it off and think ‘my mother is one cute, fly chick’.
In the six short weeks since my BC I have made a few observations.
TWA – OMFG!
Quicker than I thought, the TWA (teenie weenie afro) stage is staring me in the face! Goodness!! What eyes gone do with this hair now?!! An inch and a half of tightly coiled curls sits atop my head and I have a long way to go before I can rock an afro puff or big Diana Ross hair!
When I looked in the mirror, it wasn’t my reflection that I saw, it was my mother’s and it was very disconcerting. I don’t think she knows how big of a shadow she casts with her fiery personality, nor how much of my adult life I have struggled to get from under it. For as long as I can remember, I have always been told how much I look and acted like her.
It was my third year of college when I called her feeling defeated. “Mom, I give up!”, I said when she answered the phone. “Baby, what’s wrong? What do you mean, ‘you give up’?”, she replied. I went on to tell that I was tired of fighting to try and not be like her that it was a losing battle, resisting the inevitable. Mother got a very good laugh out of that, she still does whenever it comes up in conversation.
The truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music. Bodies never lie. ~Agnes de Mille
He leads, she follows. He controls the situation and she surrenders, totally. Through submission she feels the freedom. This is on the dance floor.
She is an alpha female, fiercely independent and places no confidence nor trust in a man, any man. Anything a man can do she believes she can do better because she is his equal. In her life she finds it impossible, and stupid, to follow a man’s lead. To her, surrender and submission means a loss of control, dependence…subjection.
If there is any truth to the quote “Dance is the hidden language of the soul. ~Martha Graham”, the majority of women is living in direct contrast to our deepest, most natural desire and it is not a wonder why we are all the more miserable for it. We have fought against the very thing we yearn for most.
For all the good the feminist movement did in achieving social and political equality for women, I think it also did us a great disservice. Over the years this feminism, bra burning, girl power, Gloria Steinem, I am woman hear me roar bullshit has convinced women that we are “equal” to men and that submission/surrender equals oppression.
“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
There was an interesting post in a Facebook group to which I am a member, “Expat Women of Color”. This is a group that is “designed to educate and provide resources for women of color who desire to or are currently living abroad”.
The post read as follows:
In your cities do other black folk that you meet give you a welcome smile or avert their eyes? I’m a born and raised Southerner whose parents passed at ages 77 and 89. That’s to let you in on how old school I was raised. It really hurts me when a sister or brother will look in every direction except at me when our paths meet. I see Filipinos embrace and travel in packs but sustahs gotta ‘pledge’ you before they befriend in many cases. After they do befriend, we are great pals, but the initial is a trip. i try to be the change that i wanna see but it gets old. Wow… Off my soapbox now.
The responses were overwhelmingly supportive with the majority of women expressing sadness for her experience and sharing their own experiences. I have had similar experiences while travelling, most recently on a trip to Cancun with my mother.
I love seeing other people of color when I travel, especially black women. It makes me happy to know they are expanding their horizons and decided to venture outside of their little corners of the world. I try to make eye contact, smile and say hello but on more than one occasion, the responses were less than friendly and bordered on rude. Either they avert their eyes or give me the “why are you speaking to me” look, which sometimes presents itself as a disdainful grunt. It almost always leaves me puzzled.
Sir, you are no longer needed. Please deposit your sperm in the cup to your left on your way out the door. Mmmkay? Thank you. Good-bye.
Modern women have relegated and diminished men to mere sperm donors.
Don’t think so? Read the article on The Daily Beast titled “No Dad? No Problem.” To say this article set my teeth on edge would be a slight understatement. In short, this article focuses on the ever growing trend of women who become single mothers by choice (SMBC from here out).
While birth rates for unmarried women age 34 and younger have fallen since 2007, they have actually been rising among women 35 and older. These are women who are more likely to be independent, financially stable, and making an active choice to raise children by themselves.
There’s even an organization, or “support group”, Single Mothers by Choice started by Jane Mattes some 32 years ago.
Today, the group has chapters in roughly 35 cities and a database of 30,000 women who have been or are now members. Many are well off. According to a 2009 survey, 22.4 percent of SMCs, as members call themselves, earn between $100,000 and $149,999, and another 16.2 percent earn more than $150,000.
WOW! Who knew? I certainly did not.