Cutting Ties & Letting Go

Happy Monday and Happy St. Patrick’s Day!! We had an eventful weekend here in Atlanta. I’m sure most have heard about the tornado that left a path of destruction through the downtown area. Me and my family made it through the rough weather without any problems. Thank God!

Letting go…

cuttheties.jpgA little over a year ago I had an encounter with a “friend” and an “acquaintance” that left me emotionally drained and wondering why the hell I even bothered entertaining them at all. Both ladies were miserable with their life choices and the acquaintance took a swipe at my upbeat philosophy and how I walk my path in life. I walked away from the situation resolved not allow their negativity and unhappiness to seep into my spirit.

I have known the friend for close to 20 years and the friendship has seen closer times. Over the years I have periodically put distance between us because of various reasons. Because of her, shall we say, “lifestyle”, for lack of a better word, I grew weary of men approaching me the same way they approached her just because we were hanging out together. Most made that assumption – birds of a feather. Well, that could not have been further from the truth. I’m trying to be subtle, kind, and delicate with my description of how she is/was without being crass but if you need me to draw you a picture…she’d do anything that moved.

Her selfishness and need to have the world revolve around her was another mitigating factor in my decision to put some distance between us. I am a grown woman and have not the time, nor the patience, to entertain that bullshit from another grown ass woman. One act of selfishness showed me just how far she was willing to go to have things her way, even if it meant destroying the marriage of a mutual friend. Thankfully, that didn’t happen because she took heed to a warning I gave her.

I know you’re wondering why in the hell have I remained friends with this person. Well, we share an extremely close friend and I’ve been reluctant to cut all ties with her because I haven’t wanted to create any tension.

But I’m beyond that now. I’m not angry. It’s just time to cut it loose, to let it go. I’ve known this for a long, long time. But even knowing this in my heart, I managed to almost let my feelings get hurt when I wasn’t included or invited to a couple of “outings”, the most recent being this past weekend. I really had to put myself and emotions in check. I had to ask myself…Would you have gone if you were invited? No!! Then why the hot ass hell are you tripping?

Let it go. It’s long overdue.

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16 thoughts on “Cutting Ties & Letting Go”

  1. Choc…you’re definitely NOT alone!! I have a similar situation w/my sister…’cept the do anything that would move part! LOL! You totally described my sister and my reaction to her by this “Her selfishness and need to have the world revolve around her…I am a grown woman and have not the time, nor the patience, to entertain that bullshit from another grown ass woman.” We don’t see eye to eye in a myriad of things and I’m fine w/how distant our relationship is. However…girl didn’t invite my arse to her New Year’s party a few years back and I got upset! If I would have got the invite I wouldn’t have gone but it was the feeling of being left out that hit me, hard. I came to the conclusion that when you have a long relationship w/a person you have alot invested emotionally in them so those feelings don’t go away overnight, whether you want them to or not. A few years have gone by now and she can leave me out anytime….I just don’t give a DAYUM anymore!

  2. Good for you! I wish I could do a little spring cleaning in my life. I may not have anyone who is….um…. getting around in my life, but I have some major drains on my emotions right now and I just wish I could give ’em the old heave ho!

  3. Ain’t nothing wrong with removing people from your life who are no longer adding any substance to your life. You’ll always be able to look back at the better times. I was in the A this weekend for a job fair, but I thankfully was unaffected by the storm.

  4. I had the same problem with a sibling. In my taking care of my Dad, I became the root of all evil. I was a theif, liar, among other things. I was likewise treated poorly by this brother, when another brother asked me to help take care of things for him. I distanced myself from him. And it was sad, because I didn’t really miss the negative in my life. I took care of my Dad because no one else would. I’m helping my brother now, because no one else would. But you can always find something wrong with someone else. When you live in a glass house, don’t throw stones. I began to wonder if I was worthy, if I really was doing something wrong and God would punish me. Then I met my cousin and found out she went through the same thing. She helped me feel good about my self again, and my choices. Choc, sometimes you have to cut the cord. It isn’t easy, but for your own self-esteem, it’s what you have to do. Hang in there girl, we all understand.

  5. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do..I had at one point cut out a very good freind based on her clinginess..just way too demanding for me..It was hard but it was done…every couple of years she “finds” me and I just keep it moving..

  6. I have gone through this numerous times and I’m sure I’ll go through it plenty more! And no it doesn’t get any easier, but the good thing is that whatever you get rid of God can fill that space with what you truly need. He will place people in your path who are sent to uplift and not drain you!

  7. that kind of thing can be hard and very difficult for because of the feelings for that person. but in the end it becomes a relief, and maybe even a wake up call for the other party.

  8. I’m always a day late and a dolla short, LOL. I needed to have read this post yesterday Choc. I’ve had to clean house with a few friends in the past few years too. The first friend I met through my hubby, and since he and her hubby were best friends we used to do a lot of stuff together but she was the type that only had time for you when she had a problem, if I had one it was always, “girl I’ll call you back”. Needless to say I finally got a clue, LOL. Second friend was a recent cut and she doesn’t even know it yet. We have been friends for 9 yrs. and at one time were very close, but on a recent outing she showed similar traits of your friend and she’s married. I knew she was a little loose but sistergirl will drop the drawers for anybody (who appear to have a little loot), OK. Note I said appear, her problem is she is very gullible and takes everyone at face value and you can’t tell her nothing. She’ll tell any man, “you can get it if your money’s right”! I know that’s not my problem but her immaturity really irks the hell out of me and I feel at this stage in my life if people aren’t on my level then I don’t have to deal with them. My New Year’s resolution was to remove all negativity from my life that I could and so far so good. I still have a few close friends remaining and I will miss those two but it’s time to keep it movin.

  9. Chocam’s m’love,

    I’m glad you were able to escape with your spirit in tact. It is so crucial that we monitor who we let close. Negative people will drag us down with them NO MATTER HOW STRONG WE THINK WE ARE!!! If she thinks it is kool to be a homewreckin whore then it’s gonna comeback to her.

    WHAT’S WORSE?!?!
    She thinks so little of herself that she would go after another womans man. Women do that becuz they see a validation or an affirmation in their worth IF HE PICKS THEM OVER HIS WIFE.

    REMEMBER TO TELL YOUR LITTLE GIRL THAT SHE’S PRETTY AND SPECIAL OR SHE’LL TURN INTO A GROWN WOMAN WITHOUT A CLUE *LOOKIN FOR LOVE FROM A MAN THAT’LL NEVER BE HERS*

    -Z’maji

  10. WOW! I didn’t realize this post topic would touch a chord with so many. The need to put into words what I’d been feeling was the driving factor. Knowing that I’m not alone is a great feeling. Thanks for sharing your stories and providing me with the support I need at the moment.

    Z’maji – you hit the nail on the head with your assessment of this young lady although she probably never will admit it. She honestly views her promiscuity as self empowerment and a means to an end which screams self loathing and no self value. However, I’m the prude, Miss Goody Two Shoes, or my favorite, a “Fantasy Bitch”. Yes. That term has been used in reference to me because I refuse to compromise my values, morals and self worth to pay my bills, buy some new Gucci boots, and because I still believe in marrying for love.

    Oh, this goes much deeper than I will get into here. Trust and believe.

    Again, thank all of you for your support and for sharing your experiences with me. 🙂

  11. Sound like your doing the right thing by kicking her to the curb. I do spring cleaning with relationships every so often when it becomes clear the relationship is unhealthy or not a good fit. I think it’s a normal thing. Don’t trip.

  12. Sometimes you have to cut them loose or they will bury you. It’s obvious that she has no self respect, so she won’t have any for anyone else.

    Love your blog.

  13. Hello Chocl8t,
    first time reader but I had to comment on this because I too had similar experience with “acquaintances”, you know the ones who seem to always take and never give. It is never easy but you have to do what you have to do. In the end you are better for it.
    Interesting blog you have here. I’ll be sure to stop back again sometime. Take care

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