Why Men Don’t Marry

weddingringA good male friend emailed the following article to me. He informed me that he engaged in some heated debate over it, mostly from emotional baggage carrying females.  I, in turn, shared it with a female friend who, like me, didn’t get bent out of shape but rather agreed and acknowledged the author made some very good points.

I am posting the article here for discussion purposes. Feel free to voice your opinions.

I think there is a lot of disenfranchisement out there i found this on that “Men going there own way” website, it’s long but i think it conveys how some men feel today;

“The non-lawyer half of the InstaCouple says this:

“Nowadays, for many men, the negatives of marriage for men often outweigh the positives. Therefore, they engage in it less often. Not because they are bad, not because they are perpetual adolescents, but because they have weighed the pros and cons of marriage in a rational manner and found the institution to be lacking for them.”

I think women don’t understand how clinical men can be when it comes to analyzing a relationship. (Note: just because we don’t talk about our relationship with you, doesn’t mean we don’t analyze it.)

Here’s how I explain it. I think that men keep a running ledger going in their subconscious—all the good/great things about their relationship on the one side, and all the bad/terrible things on the other. At some point or another, if the perceived negatives outweigh the positives, the man will quit the relationship—I mean, just bail out of the whole thing—and usually with a swiftness and finality which confounds women.

Because we’re guys, we don’t talk about this much—even, or especially with other men, and hardly ever with women. But it’s a plain fact.

Now, because we’re guys, certain things have a disproportionate effect on both the good and bad things: on the good side, sex, food and shared interests being probably the best examples; on the bad,infidelity, constant nagging and invasion of privacy constitute the negative. The degree of each, good or bad, will vary among individual men, of course. Some men will put up with almost anything if the sex is of the “bed on fire” variety, for instance, while others will walk out of a relationship for something as trifling as compulsory weekly visits to Mom (hers).

Frankly, it doesn’t matter what these things are. What’s important is that they are each weighed, and applied to the ledger. And when the negatives consistently outweigh the positives, the man will say (to himself), “You know what? This isn’t worth the hassle. The hell with it.”

And once that decision is made, the relationship is over. Now, it may take a long time for all that to happen. Men are not accounting machines, and this is not a daily, or even a regular process. But it takes place in every man, sooner or later, when the negatives get too much to live with.

What’s interesting about all this is that as men grow older, the process becomes a lot quicker—mostly, it should be said, because younger men can put up with almost anything if they’re getting laid. As men get older and sex becomes less important, however, the “bullshit” factor and the tolerance thereof become more important.

I am not interested, incidentally, in hearing the female side of this. The topic is “why men are putting off getting married”. Here’s why.

All the great advantages of the women’s liberation movement have created an environment which, frankly, does not leave men with much. We can’t flirt with women at school, college or at the office anymore, because one man’s “flirting” has become another woman’s “sexual harassment” and the punishments for such transgressions are not only severe, they’re permanent—crippling a man’s career and prospects thereof.

When a woman can get pregnant outside wedlock, and still hound a man forever for child support (with the enthusiastic support of the State), is it any wonder that men, even though ruled by their sex drive, might actually step back a little and think with their heads? And once married, if a divorce becomes a later reality, he stands a real risk of losing access to his kids forever, because if Milady is feeling vengeful—and most do, in a divorce—the merest suggestion of “endangerment” or “violence”, and he is completely screwed, forever, even if the allegation is a complete falsehood.

I am not denying, by the way, that men have brought a lot of this on themselves. But remember, men are more clinical about relationships than women are. It is an absolutely certainty that men read all the news about some guy losing his right to own a gun just because a spiteful ex-wife filed a nonsensical claim of “abuse”, or guys getting ruined because of an intemperate offhand comment at the office, or even, good grief, getting hit up for child support after having been an anonymous sperm donor—and ask: ”Looks like the rules are all in her favor. Remind me: what’s in this ‘marriage’ thing for me , again?”

And the fact that women have become more sexually liberated doesn’t help matters. The old saw is true: why would a man go to the trouble of buying, stabling and feeding a cow, when milk’s available at the supermarket?

Remember: the early post-adolescent years are the time in men’s lives when they are most ruled by their sex drive. If the drive can be constantly sated by willing women, can anyone be surprised that when the sex drive starts to fade in importance, men look at all the other parts of a relationship, and find that the game just isn’t worth the hassle?

At ages 19 to about 27, men are at their most vulnerable for marriage, because the nice thing about married sex is not that it’s necessarily great, but that it’s pretty much always available, without too much work involved.

But if during those early years women don’t get their hooks into a man soon enough, the job becomes progressively harder as the man ages. So if women spend those early adult years building themselves a career and “fulfilling themselves” at the expense of getting married, they will find that when they do finally want to settle down and get married, men are no longer as welcoming as they were before.

And the foundations of all that were put down when women tried to stop men from being like men. Even with sex involved, men will always apply “The Ledger” to a relationship. Without sex, men are, quite simply, unwilling to put up with all the shit that a woman brings to the party. And when men feel that the dice are constantly loaded against them, they’ll simply refuse to play the game, at all.

None of this, incidentally, applies to the lucky men and women who found their soulmates—but I have to tell you, life isn’t much like the deliriously-happy couples on eHarmony.com. For every blissful couple in the ads, there are literally millions for whom a relationship is not a joy, but a wearisome chore.

What feminism hath wrought is simple: if men are to treat women as equals, then they will treat them like men—or at best, they will not treat them like women.

One more time: I’m not interested in hearing The Other Side Of The Story from women. We’ve heard little else for the past thirty years. The question was: why are men getting married later, if at all? This post is the answer, and women should not be shocked by its conclusions.

The saddest part of this is that all things being equal, most men actually enjoy being married, and look forward to it. It’s nice to have someone to come home to, someone with whom you can just be yourself, and someone to share the wonderful joys of having kids. And don’t kid yourselves, the sex is great. A buddy of mine, married to his childhood sweetheart for over twenty years, put it to me this way:

“A lot of the time, the sex [between longtime marrieds] is fine, or just so-so. But every once in a while, it’s fantastic, tremendous, brilliant, and better than you could ever ever get from a stranger.”

The men who are resisting being married are cutting themselves off  from all this—and women should ask themselves why this is the case, without  resorting to the “men are just refusing to grow up” bullshit.

They’re not refusing to grow up: this is the reaction to the constant belittlement and the infantilizing treatment they’ve been exposed to all their lives. “

So….what say you?

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43 thoughts on “Why Men Don’t Marry”

  1. I have to say that the brother has thought things out very well. Although my sex drive hasn’t diminished over the years, as was stated regarding the process, as an older, wiser man I do tend to make decisions about relationships a lot more quickly than I did when I was younger. The reason for that is that having gone through the bullsh*t before, I’m not willing to have my happiness compromised for the sake of being with someone.

    I applaud the brother and am quite relieved to hear our side for a change instead of what has been perceived from a woman’s point of view. Also, as stated in the post, although I have been married twice, I still believe that I will take that step once more for the right relationship. I enjoyed my married life, even though it didn’t fare well.

    Kudos again to the good brother. Peace.

  2. Hello there!

    I think we have to make a distinction in identifying WHICH groups of men have the lowest rates of marriage in this country… in the U.S. black men have the lowest rates of marriage in this country.

    Many surveys of White men reveal that those who were raised in the middle class view marriage as mandatory in adulthood.

    In African countries, marriage is also viewed as mandatory.

    Black women who are interested in marriage need to pay CLOSE ATTENTION to the groups of men in this country who value and who have high rates of seeking marriage. This means that they have to be willing to seek their marriage options OUTSIDE of all black constructs.

    1. I hear you but the problem with that idea is that double standard that black men can be with whoever they so please. Black women on the otherhand are considered sell outs if they seek companionship from a brother of another color.

  3. In response to the article…hmm…part true and majority BS. He presents a good argument but the real as far as I can see is that it is just far to easy for men to get what they want without a wedding ring. I personally know of a guy that had 4 women dangling. One fiance’, one live in lover, a hit it from time to time chick and then started dating yet one more chick before the live in lover caught on and blew his game up to all parties concerned.

    Its just easier to jump from bed to bed and woman to woman to get what they want and need from women.

  4. I think the post was pretty accurate but it missed the biggest reason men don’t want to get married. Trust. People used to think that they could trust other people. They would trust them to be monogamous, dependable, and caring. While that may have always been an illusion, it was an illusion that most people believed. Trust is something that very few people can afford to do today and it is especially dangerous to really trust someone in a relationship. People aren’t as honorable or as they used to be or at least they aren’t held accountable in anyway by acting dishonorably. What I don’t understand is why women still want to get married as much as they do.

    Anyway, stay with a guy long enough and 99% of the time he will marry you even if he isn’t really enthusiastic about the idea. If he’s the other 1% then what’s the difference as long as you don’t break up?

    1. David is correct… trust is the cornerstone of a relationship. I had false allegations leveled against me, money taken from me, assets, dignity, and most of my trust during the process of my divorce. I learned not to trust my ex, or the family law system. Dishonor? I was on the receiving end of a great deal of dishonor. Times have changed and people are changing with the times… slowly but surely.

  5. I have to agree with many points in this post, one that sticks out is some women who have not let men be men.

    I know quite a few women who take the independent role to the hilt which leaves little room for the man to feel like he is needed in the relationship. If you keep saying, “I can be bad all by myself,” you just may end up that way.

    And to David’s point, I agree that people feel less trusting as they did back in the day, but I don’t believe it’s because the significant others are less honorable, I think previous generations have been that way throughout the years, but our generation is more open with their promiscuous ways and the women of today realize they have options. We know we don’t have to stay at home waiting for someone to support the household, we’ll just do it. Men realize most women of today are not going to grin and bear it if they are out having children with the chick across town, there would be a knock on the door.

    I think men and women look at marriage as a stranglehold because deep down they probably know they are not going to change their ways after the vows.

    PS- I love the photo, very creative.

  6. I think this question is to dificault respond. But a can say the man don´t marry besause the comparticipation double life is very dififault, athawhise the women is not that was. is independente person and that make a man worry.

  7. women should not be in a rush to get married!!! women should realize that they are whole and fine by themselves for a while-get to know you first, then you’ll kow who you are what your values are and what is really important to you. just like you tell children-enjoy your childhood while u can cuz it goes by so quickly, well so do your twenties!! a wise old lady once told me, “save your twenties for yourself!!” also, women need to remember that they are queens and act accordingly and maybe their frogs will turn into princes! and finally, the bible says not to be unevenly yolked, that means ,if you truly are my prince/king, then i shouldn’t have to tell you the do’s and dont’s they should be your rules too!

  8. I think the brother made some valueable points. Woman please don’t feel you have to always respond. Sometime just listening and reflecting is good enough. The Black woman may choose to date and marry outside of her race if she wants but understand that that choice is a direct link to not being able to find happiness with a black man, or whatever you perceive to be happyness. Just note that your mate, outside of your race is second choice not true love as you would have him to believe.

    Marraige is this country have nothing to do with vows, love or trust. If that was so there wouldn’t be divorce court and the divorce rate would not be over 50%. Black Women should not place everything on a marriage. Technically if you are with a guy for such and such period you are his wife and he is your husband. If your not satisfied with that then you need to evaluate your self and find out why your placing so much on a ring and a wedding. But I can help you out. It’s because of what socieity deems right. Remember we are visitors to this land. We didn’t come here of our own violiaton nor did we come here on the may flower. Stop following the ways of white people and what they deem acceptable.

  9. Why would any man marry a woman when he already gets everything f(sex, cooking, cleaning, kids, etc.) from her WITHOUT making her his wife first? It’s the weak desperation and foolishness of black women that has caused black men to say no to marriage.

    Women open their legs to men who are not their husbands so they end up with a high rate of children born out of wedlock and no marriage. When people obeyed God’s word and waited to have sex AFTER they married the divorce rate was low, the out-of-wedlock birth rate was low and the marriage rate was high. See where sin will get a race?

    If more women remained celibate more men would get married. They would have to to get what they want (sex) I know this because if you research our history back in the “good old days” when a man had to marry a woman to have sex with her guess what the men did? THEY GOT MARRIED! Sex before marriage is wrong because that’s not God’s will and plan for people.

    1. Don’t fool yourself…this issue IS NOT exclusive to Black men and women. Whites and Latinos deal with the same within their cultures/race. By and large the issue is rooted in lax social mores in general and not a specific race or ethnicity. IMO.

      And what a piss poor reason to marry…for sex? Really? The only reason men married was to have sex? Seems plausible but were they happy? Both the man and woman? I doubt it. Was he faithful within that marriage? I doubt it.

      Yeah, the “good old days” weren’t all that GOOD.

  10. I think men have as many good reasons as women have not to marry. On the other hand a great marriage (mine 30 years) is nothing to complain about. We can always count on eachother to be there. We trust as individuals that we would never to anything that we ourselvers would not want done to us…respect

  11. I get y some wont marry but how long should a woman wait. I have been dealing with my man for 11 yrs 9 of them were in a commited relationship. We have 2 kids together. Im ready 2 wed or at least engaged I want 2 know he really is in this for long term. We have never cheated on each other. Im almost 40 and I want another baby but I want my last child 2 b by my husband. Am I asking to much?

  12. This is probably the most bang on article I have ever read regarding relationships/marriage, and my lack of desire for either. At the end of the day the juice just isn’t worth the squeeze, especially with the one sided court system.

    *brain* Is the fucking I will get worth the fucking I will have to take?

  13. I didnt realize this was a “chocolate” forum, but men are men its gotta be the same thru each race. That “women are queens waiting for their prince” bullshit has to stop tho. Getting young women to think like this is going to get them absolutely nowhere as they expect better than equal treatment while demanding to be treated as equal.

    1. LOL @ Mike…this isn’t a “chocolate” exclusive forum…all are welcome. Your sentiments on relationships and marriage isn’t exclusive to men of one race, but I’m sure you already know that. Glad you stopped by and left a comment. 😉

  14. I am a caucasian male but I can tell you we think exactly the same way, the only thing I would add is that the fear of divorce is a very big factor, men get a really bad deal from the divkoce courts.

    I have never been in a job where a colleague is not going through a divorce or just been through a divorce – they are emotionally and financially shredded. Many men stay in unhappy marriages to avoid losing their kids and most of their financial assets. Of all marriages I reckon less than 20% stay happy – not good odds.

    1. I agree with you about the divorce risks. I personally know 3 men who want to end the marriage, but are afraid of losing their nestegg. One of those 3 men actually told me that his wife threatened to take half his assets if he ever decided to end the marriage. He is trapped. I feel so sorry for him.

      My mother knows a woman in a verbally abusive marriage, and she is afraid to leave because she thinks she will not be able to survive on her own. Funny thing is, this woman is a teacher, and has been for about 3 decades. She earns more than enough to support herself without help from her husband. Her husband is a mechanical engineer with over 35 years experience. He earns six-figures on the low end, but 6 figures nonetheless. This whole things smells like she doesn’t want to downgrade her lifestyle. She couldn’t afford to live in her current upper-middle-class neighborhood and drive her Audi if she went solo and supported herself on her own teaching salary.

      Sorry, ladies, but most of you are not independent and never will be. Sure, you are educated and employed, but you still generally rely on men to boost your socioeconomic status, both during and after marriage.

      Also, I truly believe that if men weren’t socially pressured into marriage – both by women and society – there would be very few married couples. Men know they got the short end of the stick when it comes to dating. Many men know that if they don’t ask women to marry them, she will eventually leave the relationship, and these men will find themselves back in the single scene, which does not favor men, unless you are wealthy. Women of all ages, body types and income levels will always have male suitors. Men, on the other hand, will often not. Men know this, and they cave to avoid being single the rest of their lives.

      You can love, honor and obey without signing a marriage contract. Most of the benefits awarded to married couples are still obtainable to couples who are not married. All you need is a lawyer and you can acquire the benefits. Plus, if you break up, assets will be protected.

      No one enters a marriage under the assumption that it will end with divorce. Due to this risky naivety, men are being taken to the cleaners left and right.

      I let women know before we start dating that I will never marry. Men need to practice this often. That way, when a woman changes her mind about marriage – and tries to persuade you to marry her later on in the relationship – the fault lies solely on her, since she knew what you wanted before entering into the relationship.

  15. What feminism hath wrought is simple: if men are to treat women as equals, then they will treat them like men—or at best, they will not treat them like women.

    — couldn’t have said it any better; women get back to being real women with dignity and femininity

  16. i’m sorry but love and family are the most valuable elements in life and only a mature person will recognize that. If there is anyone offering to walk with another person through life FOREVER that is the most beautiful gift that could ever be offered. Some men cant commit because they can’t truly love another person. All I’m hearing in these comments, is a lot of men are AFRAID of this and that, as if they are the only ones taking a risk in getting married. Do you know the risk in marrying the wrong man! A woman could lose her money, her ability to have children (STDs), her mind, or even her life. Thats why most marriages that are ended are ended by women. Marriage just like life is a risk for everyone. But its worth it. Fear and love cannot abide in the same man, because they are opposites. IT takes courage to love and commit. Some men can do it and some cant. But women should not be so quick to settle for any old man. Men who are afraid of commitment and risks should not be taken seriously. They should live only for themselves and die alone by themselves. Ladies, there are men out there who are looking to build a family and lead. If you want to be married and you are with a man who doesn’t then you are NOT compatible with that man. Walk away from him and his checklist of “reasons why men should run from marriage.” There are plenty of great men out there, don’t believe the hype. You do not have to be desperate. But for future reference, There are a couple of factors and influences that come into play when it comes to men wanting marriage….physical (sex), emotional (love), psychological (game), spiritual (morals), and societal (culture). Ladies, if he’s not your husband he should not be able to get SEX or anything else from you anytime he wants it. PERIOD. And LOVE is a beautiful thing, everyone needs it even him. and anyone with GAME knows that anything you chases runs away from you and anything that is common has little value. Don’t chase marriage and don’t be common. Selfish people do not make good spouses and if a man has MORALS it will reflect in his ability to give. and its true that the current CULTURE reflects that marriage is a bad thing (along with other stupid things), but remember the culture has been wrong before. And the people’s mindsets dictate the culture:) No matter what color you are,…Love is all there is when its all said and done, don’t fool yourself to believe otherwise:)

  17. It’s fully true that in the back of a man’s head is that spreadsheet and a separate subconcious process analyzing it at all times like a program running in the background. (think of antivirus software) That fact doesn’t care if the man has color or not, or curls or not. Now, when that process determines the relationship is too negative (depending on that man’s settings) the “bad relationship” bit is set to HIGH for the rest of the man’s brain to act on the warning flag bit. One such action could be that he’ll plan out an exit strategy. Now, the exit strategy can be analyzed to death now that the spreadsheet analyzing process is no longer needed. Now those CPU cycles can analyze the exit strategy. Also, he may NEVER tell anyone or leave a clue until it’s too late.

    Now, for the sister who suggests that women should try going out of race to find a partner. Most mixed marriages so far are with brothers going out of race. Why not the other way? I’m not about to try to answer that question. All I can suggest is that despite a man shortage the fact that men go out of race shows something wrong. Only sisters can figure out the reason – if they can analyze it.

  18. The author of that article captures the sentiment of many men, especially beta and omega types. Alpha type guys are still largely in control of their “prey.” As an omega type, I have accepted the reality of being a loner after my recent divorce. I will have to pay child support for the next 10 years and don’t want a second child support case with the state, lol. I do love my daughter very much and glad she is here. I feel “lucky” in the sense that I truly enjoy my career and prefer masturbation to intercourse because most of my female partners have not been very reciprocating. I have a GREAT imagination. Thus I feel no real desire to date and deal with all the drama that comes with it. And as the man said, you can’t really flirt with women much anymore anyway, not even in public. I believe this is why cybersex has become so popular – a growing competitor to single and married women. Cybersex appeals to married men because as the saying goes: “its cheaper to keep her.” I’m very happy for women’s progress the last 40 years but it does come with a cost. Are women happier today than they were back then? Probably not, but some things definitely had to change, I understand that. Good luck to all in pursuing their true happiness. I have started to find mine.

  19. wow , this is a fscinating forum , I am a 41 yrs woman from the middle east and I beilieve all the reasons that men back away from marriage do exist , agree with David that if you stay long enough in the relationship they do marry you , of course if they love you enough and can’t afford to lose you .. men are human beings , they are not animals , they need love , support and sex , woman also need these things maybe the weights of importance of each factor vary but both do.. when a person takes his partner for granted and both don’t give to the relationship equally it is simply cause either the other partner hasn’t set his /her limits correctly so he/she are taken for granted or simply cause he/she aren’t trusted for things they have demonstrated in the relationship. To me it is very simple but most ppl fool themselves and accuse their partners of being pigs, selfish, sluts, demanding etc while they are the ones who are naive and over looking the obvious things that i see hundreds of women overlooking are things like that their partner doesn’t even care and he is using them , or that their partner is taking them for granted coz they are too weak or that their partner do not trust them coz they behaved badly several times trying to control /play mind games and vice versa men can fool themselves and fall for women who are controlling, darma queens , love them only when they support them financially etc and then be shocked and accuse the whole gender …

  20. I found this thread interesting. I like the way men think on some points, and the way women think generally on others. i learned a lot from this. i do think there is a post-modern stigma to divorce or divorced women. Women and men divorce because of many reasons, and once they do, they become another weird category for both sexes to fear. i’m not really clear on it. i think there are biological differences that are hard wired, for example testosterone creates different behavior than attachment hormones. Both have both in different degrees. I think there are good and negative women and men in all types of life-stage categories. I don’t understand all the stereotyping.

  21. For me the main issue is trust. Lets face the facts here. Women get too much respect for being disrespectful to men. And as a man i’m getting sick and tired of hearing about womens problems and what i need to do to be a “realman”. Sorry if my descision to not marry up makes me look odd ladies. I am not gay nor a terrorist. I simply don’t trust women anymore. Their emotions are so temporary that though they are very convincing. Once they get bored they will seek half with a vengeance like they always do. Face it, they are the ones who initiate divorce overwhelmingly because they are always keeping score instead of just doing their part. We live in a society where women have become greedy pampered dreamers who have no concept of loyalty or honor. Everything they do wrong is never their fault but an accident or the mans fault for her cheating ways.

    How can you expect me to marry someone who thinks i’m an appliance whose sole purpose is putting up with her bullshit constantly and making sure her problems are solved while my problems are ignored. Women these days don’t even know how to talk to men for crying out loud. As i said. They get respect for being disrespectful. Check them out at clubs next time if you don’t believe me. Their idea of game is belittling men and making us seem insignificant.

    Hearing women complain about their problems now is really starting to bother me. They aren’t like us. We try, atleast we try to coexsist. They don’t. With them it’s their way or divorce. They spend all their time tryingto manipulate us. Pretending to be complex all the while they sit with their girlfriends checking out other guys and trying to downgrade us. Most of these ungreatful monsters are just a bunch of con artists who enjoy tricking men into marriage just so she can eventually take half as soon as you cough wrong.

    And like you said. We don’t need to grow up. That’s not the reason why we’re not getting married. That just shows how dumb and manipulative American women are. Instead of trying to figure us out. They pretend that everything we do is childish and everything they do is superior.

    When last i looked. Men invented technology,buildings, roads, vehicles heck religeon. Women don’t do anythingexcept complain and pretend to be complex.

    The outsourcing of labor had a lot to do with women who enjoy claiming sexual harrasement and suing the company crippling it. You can blaime them completly for everything wrong with the current infrastructure. They have done nothing and yet they have all the power. Yet… It’s still our fault… Yah… Sure.

    We’ll when are they going to show that they can be something more than just sexual objects? When are they going to give us a taste of their brilliant genius?

    Or is lying and being ignorant all they are good for?

    1. Dan, the system of the US of women taking half is very strange but he opposite which happens in the middle east where women walk away with nothing is also extremely strange .. I mean both are not fair . I know females who ended up in the streets cause they never had a career except being house wives and after 20 years of marriage and raising kids , their husbands hooked up with some young chick and dropped her .. Life stinks but this applies to both sexes. I don’t like playing victim , even though i am a female who lives in the middle east and whom was cheated upon with the secretary while being super busy with the new born child and after 3 years of being cheated upon , the abuse (both verbal and physical) started , i asked for divorce and insisted on it . After being divorced I found out about the affair he had and that it was the reason behind his outbursts and anger etc However, I never played victim . I pulled myself up although i walked away with a child and he gave me absolutely nothing except the wedding ring to be fair. I worked my butt out , became very successful at my career faced the loads of being a single mom and never judged men for my ex’s behaviour . Nowadays I am seeing a terrific guy who is everything I want. and I am to him everything he wants as well. of course we have our difficulties and challenges but it will pass. What i want to say Dan is that you have so much negative energy that you will draw to you only the negative events and people . Don’t be a victim . Women can be bitches if the system allows them , do a pre marriage agreement (sorry don’t know what you call it in US) . Men can be devils when the system allows them , trust me they are bastards in the middle east getting all the fun , some marry more than one and women get no rights what so ever. However, no one should blame the system , the events , the gender , or whatever . We were blessed as human beings to have brains . So we can protect ourseleves against the system. We can arm ourself with necessary tools , methods , knowledge, choices etc.. Take care

  22. Maybe it is because some women are not worth manning up for. Good article. A prenuptial agreement is a good option for both men and women in minimizing the risks should one no longer want to keep that commitment, at least the state would not be involved.

  23. The purposes of my comments are to educate men to some facts about today’s western women and maybe, just maybe, some women will take heed of what MANY men are discussing today. Gents today’s western woman will literally suck the life from you so get ready, men young and old listen up; if you are pondering marriage or living with a woman better give these FACTS some thought.

    • Did you know that should your marriage/relationship break up and its 50/50 if you’re lucky, that it will, she will 80% of the time be the one to initiate it?
    • You are going to spend $5,000-$10,000 on a ring or you’re considered cheap!
    • You will spend your next 3 years salary on HER ideal wedding!
    • Abuse is a 50/50 statistic, in other words she is just as likely as a man to abuse you but the difference is you are suppose to take it and she is FAR more likely to use a weapon!
    • Western women today are just as likely to have extra marital affairs as men! And should this happen it is FAR more likely that it is you, the man, that will pay for her indiscretions. She is 75% more likely to keep the children, house and furniture and the MAN will continue to make the mortgage payments while she continues life as if nothing happened! If the man fools around he still pays the price. The courts have become so slanted that western men are avoiding marriage in droves!
    • It takes a man an average of 5 years to recover financially and emotionally from a divorce where a woman is a matter of months.
    • Your ex can, at a whim, deny visitation of your children even though you have been paying ¾ of your income to her without missing a payment and there is NOTHING you can do!
    • There is ONE man EVERY day that commits suicide in Canada because divorce devastates him financially and emotionally. I am 6’1” and weighed 220 lbs, my first marriage I lost 60 lbs in 3 months because of the stress. My second I lost 50.
    • Sex becomes a reward/punishment tool that women exercise at every possible turn.

    I have been married twice, both ex’s had affairs, I spent MILLIONS of dollars trying to keep them happy but in the end it was for not. I am well educated, good looking; have many talents, keeping a woman happy I thought would be feasible. Not a western woman, through my experience and discussions with MANY other men, a western woman is virtually impossible to please.

    She wants to be taken care of but cares for nothing but herself, she wants her girls night out but lookout if you go out with the boys, she wants you to watch her romance movies with her (training on how a man should behave) but forget about watching a hockey or football game, ask her if she would mind buying you a $10,000 watch or a new sports car after all that’s the equivalent of what you are going to spend on her ring and the wedding. And if you think it’s because you make more money than her that she will not buy you these things, think again. There are more women in middle & upper management today than there are men; they are better educated than men. There are FAR more women in university than men.

    I am close to 50 now, I workout and I still look pretty good, I have girls in their early 30s interested (helps to be a singer) however I am FAR more selective of who I date. So men of all ages DO NOT MARRY!!!!!!!!!! And if you do, good luck because that’s all you have is luck.

    Today’s western woman is fickle, spoiled, lazy and has a DEEP sense of entitlement! Look at the commercials and TV shows, men are always portrayed as stupid klutzes that need a woman around to straighten him out. Women on TV can indiscriminately smash a man with her fist or any weapon in reach and it’s funny. She can burn or throw his cloths out the window in a commercial and its justified even funny. And let me tell you, women buy into what’s on TV far more than men do! To them its reality!

    Gents, never date, only sleep with woman that claim their marriage broke up because “it just didn’t work out”. That’s code for ‘he didn’t do what I told him”!

    Men are portrayed as useless, without feeling entities to be dumped upon. So gentlemen as you read this, is that what you think of yourself?

    Western woman as you read this you are saying to yourself, “he’s just bitter cause she left him”. Nope I am bitter because I spent 30 years and $2,000,000 doing all I could trying to please 2 women. I bought them horses, new cars, watched those ridiculous romance movies, distanced my good friends and family and I am left with very little, having to start all over again while the 2 of them have homes paid for! And society ignores men as if they are garbage. Girls the movies are not real; TV is not reality and if you want men to behave like the ACTORS in a FICTIONAL romance then you better behave like a porn star in the bedroom!

    I no longer believe western woman are capable of love. There may be VERY rare cases where this is not true but gentlemen; would you bet all you have and all you’re going to have on odds that are 95% against you?

    Men in closing DO NOT MARRY A WESTERN WOMAN! It will more than likely be the BIGGEST mistake of your life! You have a VERY slim chance of being successful and it is almost entirely up to her whether or not your relationship will succeed!

    1. Amen to that. I am a 24 year old caucasian male in Australia, not that it should matter, and I have been thinking like this for a while. I don’t think that marriage, children and a mortgage should be a precursor to happiness. These things just offer you more points and bragging rights among your peers. A marriage is a spectacle and is mostly entered into because the couple think they should do it and want to please their family. Organising a marriage is very stressful for both of the partners and sometimes they don’t even enjoy it. They just try and look like they do to seem the ‘happy couple’. My parents are quite fickle and have rather old-fashioned values about right and wrong. And because of an imagined slight against them by my sister (seating them “too far” from the bridal table) at the wedding; they no longer speak to my sister. My parents used to live in their own little bubble, didn’t have many friends, rarely went out and only wanted to hear good things about our lives. They would collude with each other and look down on everyone who wasn’t educated or didn’t meet their ideal image of what a human should be. But over the years it started to take a toll and my dad had an affair with a woman in Miami (he travels a lot). So my mum took umbrage and had one of her own. They are now separated, live mostly on the other side of the Earth from each other, and only share a connection through the family dog. If a marriage is made for the wrong reasons cracks develop and resentment breeds like cancer. If you have any doubts about a marriage don’t enter into it, your happiness is not worth the risk.

      I believe that all humans share a common humanity. We all have the ability to relate to each other regardless of race, status or language. I think that happiness is born from meaningful interactions and treating others as fellow beings, not as enemies or alien entities. As Joe Rogan so eloquently puts it: we are all piloting these flesh vehicles. We are all peering out of these two windows at the reality that we build around ourselves. What we see is an illusion that we build for ourselves from our conditioning and the societal conventions presented to us. Seek happiness for happiness’ sake. Don’t do things because you believe you are expected to or because you think you should or because your friends or peers have done it, including marriage. Do what makes you truly happy and gives you inner peace. If you find your soul mate then it shouldn’t matter if you marry or not, you should be confident and comfortable in your union with out the materialistic need for a marriage, the rings and the white picket fence. I have loved, truly loved, a few women in my short life and I can honestly say that I would be happy living in a cardboard box by the Ganges if they reciprocated my feelings. I try not to get attached too easily any more because I have been hurt so much in the past. But I am open to the possibility of finding love and am willing to enter into a marriage if we both want it and are doing it for the right reasons; our reasons, no one elses. People just need to expand their minds, read the right material and live in the present. Go out and smell the ocean, walk through the forrest, enjoy a glass of red with some great friends. The world won’t end if you don’t get married. It may as well end if you die with regret.

  24. As a man, this article rings true, especially the bit about the obsessive analysis performed by men. Moreover, being married does not buy you respect anymore. Quite the opposite: being single and switching partners is the new cool thing, so why put up with marriage? Really, there are too many downsides.

  25. the way that women have changed today for the worse, how can a good man meet a good woman to get married anyway? many women now think that they are all that, and have a very serious attitude problem too.

  26. Dr A Rafay of Mississauga was my son’s doctor until she touched him inapproriately and massaged him.I find this kind of behaviour from a GP to be unacceptable.Doi not go to this miserable quack if you need medical help. She is a useless doctor.Pass it on!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Pass it on 3 times ple3as4e

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