I don’t like change. It scares me. The irony here is that I am always striving to learn new things and I believe knowledge is the precursor to growth and you can’t grow without changing.
Over the years, I have made a point to perform a “self inventory”. I take a look at my whole being, surveying what works and what doesn’t and make changes, improvements, and adjustments accordingly. I am not the same person I was five years ago nor even one year ago.
Growth, to me, means movement, motion. Merriam Webster defines change as “progressive development, evolution“. So, if I seek knowledge which leads to growth, i.e. movement, why do I not like change and why do I have such a difficult time with it?
I get used to the routine an the comfort that comes from that routine. I know what to expect. Being comfortable can also lead to complacency and stagnation. This applies to my daily routine, things on the job, and in my personal relationships.
My initial response to change is to resist it kicking and screaming thus creating unnecessary tension and turmoil within and sometimes, externally. However, upon acceptance, I look around and think to myself, “hey, this isn’t so bad”.
A close personal long-term relationship has changed and I am at, what I hope to be, the tail end of my “resistance” phase. I recognized the change the moment it happened. I had a revelation and had I listened to the initial prompting to let it go at that moment, I would not have lamented about it as I have for the past year.
Because of my own personal growth, I knew that I no longer fit into this relationship and nor did it fit within my life. The purpose of our pairing had been met and the season was over but I did not want to let go. As a result I imprisoned myself by holding on and trying to force the relationship to remain where I wanted it to be.
Tension, turmoil, resentment, and anger soon followed. Slowly, acceptance has come.
Today, I have made the choice to stop crying over something that is dead and to stop trying to resurrect it. I have also made the decision to stop resisting and not be afraid of change as it manifests in my life but to embrace it, knowing it is the result of growth or even the precursor to it.
Today, I have made the choice to turn the page. And who knows…tomorrow just might be the day I look around and think to myself…hey, this isn’t so bad.