Category Archives: Chocl8t’s Crazy Relatives

Mi Amiga, Mi Hermana?

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. – Anonymous

I had a minor medical procedure this past Thursday. One that required me to take one Lorazepam (to calm me) and one Percocet (for pain) 30 minutes prior to the procedure, then a local anesthetic once there. It was for this reason I needed someone to drive to and from the doctor’s office.

Initially I solicited the help of my BFF, Sispoon, who lives in Florida but due to last-minute work obligations, she was unable to fly into Atlanta. No worries, because I know where her heart is. Another friend, LMD, stepped in and got me there and back.

I am not sure if it was the medication or McDonald’s, but once I made it back to the house nausea took over and everything in my stomach ended up on the bathroom floor, the toilet, the shower curtain, my clothes, my shoes…basically everywhere. LMD proved to be a real trooper. YES…she cleaned it up. That girl has a strong stomach and should have been a nurse.

Talk about being there. Which leads me to my next point.

The next day I get a phone call from a relative and the conversation went like this:

Her: Hey, I totally forgot about your procedure. How are you?
Me: I’m good.
Her: Did Sispoon fly in?
Me: No…last minute thing for her job.
Her: Why didn’t you call me? (emphatically) I could have…
Me: No worries. I got it taken care of. It’s all good.
Her: Okay. Well call me if you need anything.
Me: Okay. Thank you.

As it turned out, a few hours later I did need her so I called her mobile phone.

Her: Hello.
Me: Are you at home?
Her: Yeah…but I don’t have any gas in my car so…
Me: Okay, nevermind. Thanks.
Her: Hey, what do you ne…

I hang up.

*blinks….blinks…..*

Family.

A Vacation In Hell…Uh..Paradise

To say I was excited was a gross understatement. This trip to Hawaii was supposed to be a dream vacation to paradise and it would have been had I chosen to go alone or with another group of people. I will preface what I am about to say with I love my family but I don’t necessarily “like” them. I find that I like them less and less with the passage of time.

My vacation pictures shows smiling faces with an idyllic backdrop but what it does not show is the lost luggage, bad attitudes, spitefulness, bitterness, irresponsibility, immaturity, and ungratefulness.

Hawaii_5A financially irresponsible sister relying on an insurance claim, which was denied, to fund her vacation started a chain reaction. My sister has a long history of financial irresponsibility and expecting someone to bail her out. That someone, in most cases, has been our mother. This time was no different.

Swooping down to the rescue, mom, whom I’ve secretly renamed “Captain Save-A-Ho”, pays for my sister’s portion of the hotel room which means she has no money for extra activities like tours, luau, etc. My auntie, who so desperately wants to attend a luau, suggests to me that if I pay my mother’s way, she’ll cover my sister. I replied, “NO”. I had the means to do so but I refused to do so, on GP.

Mean? Nope, not at all; self preservation and tough love. I also decided not to go snorkeling or jet skiing because I didn’t want to feel guilty about going and others not being able to go also.

Pair that with the airline losing my aunt’s luggage and you have a recipe for nothing short of a disaster. She griped the entire time about this and how she’s never using a buddy pass to fly again, in essence taking digs at my sister, the airline employee who provided said buddy pass.

As you can see, I’m with a stellar group there in paradise.

The most painful thing for me was coming to the realization that my mother has allowed herself to become stuck in a perpetual state of bitterness and misery. There have been many instances where this has been apparent to me but none as memorable as what happened in the airport on the way home.

My mother had a knee replacement about a year ago and still suffers with pain and limited range of motion with that leg. She had been in slight pain as evidenced by her limp but was managing it with daily doses of Aleve. At the Honolulu airport, we made the unfortunate choice of sitting on a row of seats where passengers formed a line to board the plane. A young lady accidentally kicked my mother’s foot (the bad leg). Mother grimaced and vocally let it be known it hurt. The young lady proceeded to apologize.

After the young lady had taken a few steps away from us, my mother mumbles, to my horror, “Sorry, doesn’t stop the pain.” I touch my mother on her arm and proceed to assure her that I was sure the young lady didn’t willfully hurt her and her apology was sincere. Mother repeated her statement with sheer indignation. My response was a simple question, “What ever happened to being gracious?”. She had no response other than a scowl.

My vacation wasn’t all it could have been but it wasn’t all a complete bust. We did visit Pearl Harbor and the USS Arizona but most of my time was spent getting tipsy on Waikiki beach and “drunk texting” pictures of me in my bikini to a male friend. Even though alcohol is not allowed on the beach, I did manage to sneak in my personal cocktails. My goose-n-juice salvaged what would have otherwise been a completely miserable experience.

Most times I try to keep a positive outlook even in the most negative situations; always looking for the lessons so I dare not find myself re-living the same mistake again.

My vacation to Hawaii was chock full of lessons:

  • I will never travel with my family again. NEVERRRR!!
  • I can not save everyone no matter how desperately I may want to do so.
  • “Tough Love” hurts all parties involved. Although very necessary, it still hurts like hell.
  • Although I look like my mother, I don’t have to be “like” her.

Next trip, Trinidad for Carnival. Family not invited.

The Boondocks

I came across this episode of The Boondocks over at Invisible Woman. Many, many thanks to her for posting this! I’m still LMAO (laughing my a$$ off)!

Let me apologize to my family from New Orleans upfront! But I found this “ish” to be funny as hell!!

Enjoy!

WARNING: If you’re offended by the use of the N-word, I would recommend not viewing the video for it is peppered throughout.

Don’t Fire Your Therapist!

Granted, we all have issues and could benefit from a good therapist or most times, an old fashion prayer meeting. But I am tired of being the designated “whipping post” for individuals who decide to project their negative emotions on me.

Below is an email exchange between me and a family member that pissed me the hell off and has forced me to start the process of weeding and pruning my Loved-Ones Garden. (The real names have been deleted but the exchange is authentic). The last response made me laugh and think…”Don’t fire your therapist!”

————————————–
From: Chocl8t
Sent: Tuesday, October 30, 2007 12:16 PM
To:
Cc:
Subject:

I’ve copied everyone on this email so as not to omit anyone. For those of you who already have XXX’s contact information, pardon me. ( :I received an email from our cousin (maybe your brother or nephew), XXX on yesterday! He wanted me to forward the email addresses of other family members that I had….so I am doing just that!

We have to do a better job of keeping in touch…yes, I’m admonishing myself with that statement!! ( :

Love you all!!!

————————————————-

From: ZZZ
Sent: Tuesday, October 30, 2007 2:49 PM
To:
Cc:
Subject: RE:

Hello Chocl8t & XXX,I find this to be so funny….. better Job! How can one do a better job when the job responsibilities never took place.
So with that being said the statement should be “Start doing the job of communicating with your family members.”
I know that I am guilty of this and to be quite frank I do not feel the closeness to do so. But I myself will have to pray on this and hope that God bestowes on me to be close. I will take the opportunity to say have a Happy and bless Thanksgiving.

regards
ZZZ
—————————————————–

From: Chocl8t

Sent: Tuesday, October 30, 2007 3:08 PM
To: ZZZ, XXX
Cc:
RE:

Whoa! Okay it’s obvious someone has…shall I say…baggage and unresolved issues.ZZZ, if you don’t feel the need to communicate, which is a starting point to foster some “closeness”, then don’t. Frankly,given the tone of your email, I would prefer that you didn’t communicate with me at all until you could do so without being so critical, condescending and just downright rude.

Chocl8t
————————————————-From: ZZZ
Sent: Tuesday, October 30, 2007 3:40 PM
To: Chocl8t
Cc:
Subject: RE:

agreed…. I would do myself a great injustice if I did not agree with you.